Monday, October 20, 2008

As The Sun Sets....


This is not our last word by any means. As the sun sets on our time here, I am more and more encouraged to continue this fine work of drivel. I have identified personnel in our relief that will be critical to the continued existence of our Toilet Paper. Hopefully this will give our relief hope and as an added bonus, I will turn over the keys to the kingdom and post all new items on this blog for generations to come. Have fun with it gentlemen of the buckeye state!!


Check out the newly added issues of the TP!! You will like them!!

The Herb You Should Know!!


Dateline: 20 October 2008
South Camp – Multinational Forces & Observers

We see him at the MDF chatting at lunch. We see him on the beach preparing for his morning swim. We see him counseling soldiers at his office, and we see him steering the missions of the lifeguards and the gym assistants. We see him making his way around South Camp, but do we really see the man that is HERB. Herb’s Gym, Herb’s Beach, and all the motivational scrawling that is found all over the camp bulletin boards, are all in honor of this man who has motivated so many soldiers before us. Here you will meet the man who made all this happen. Come on in for a soak in the tub, and a fresh fruit health drink!
We showed up on South Camp in the early hours of the morning in January. Carrying heavy bags and heavier eyelids, we were shuffled into a gym, whose fluorescent glow was hard to miss in the near blackness of the desert mountain backdrop. We were welcomed to our new home by our leadership, and finally greeted by this man. He has meant more to the soldiers that have passed through the gates of MFO, than any other single person in the history of the mission. Herb Brav was not always the quiet man he seems to be. As a boxer, in his past, he fought in the heavyweight division and once weighed in at over 330-pounds. He was a bull of a man, one who brought to his opponents a fearless and devastating attack. He learned this attack from his many years of service to the United States of America. He was only able to shed the weight through personal discipline, diet, fasting, and exercise.
Following in the footsteps of his father, a Colonel in a US Ranger Battalion, Herb enlisted in the Army in 1947. As an infantry soldier and later as a member of the elite US Special Forces, Herb served proudly in both the Korean War and the Vietnam Conflict. He rose through the enlisted ranks to ultimately hold the rank of Command Sergeant Major. He was a personal advisor to John F Kennedy, and later in his career he became a military advisor to the Prince of Saudi Arabia. He served in this posting from 1980 to 1982. In July of 1982 he was one of the first military advisors to the Multinational Forces & Observers. Since then, he has personally briefed every soldier in the MFO on safety, welfare, and motivation. One of the best things about my job here, is the fact that “some of the soldiers stationed here in past rotations, had fathers that served with me in other parts of the world”. Herb still receives over 50 letters and emails per week from people he has known or influenced. He claims that around the holiday season, he receives hundreds of cards and packages from all over the world.
Herb is happily married to Gisela Brav, whom he met in Europe in 1958. They have two children, a son and daughter, and they also have two grandchildren. Gisela also visits regularly to make sure that the troops here know her and her sacrifice to the mission. At 76 years of age, Herb still swims the reef at his beach every morning at 6 am to clear it. He has done this every day except vacations since he started here. The word “work” is not a nice word to Herb. He believes it drains energy from people assigned to complete a task. Herb said that he could not remember when he started using the term “Believing and Liking”, but that he has used it his entire life to motivate himself first, and then others. Believing is the energy to do the job, and liking is the key to the successful completion of it. Without both, a person will eventually lose heart and can fail easily.
His personal motivation has led to his free swim to Tiran Island. He completed a free swim in the San Francisco Bay to Alcatraz. Herb was also a member of a free dive team up until four years ago. His deepest descent was to 125 feet and he was able to hold his breath for four and a half minutes. He is personal friends with many celebrities and military figures, as evidenced by his stunning collection of pictures and memoirs. One of his personal heroes and friend’s is Jack Lalane, the famous bodybuilder and health enthusiast.
Herb enjoys his time here on South Camp. He is not even “sick” of the food in the dining hall after 21 years of eating it. His favorite vegetables are beets. Herb believes that the services provided on base are excellent, and is very happy with the continuity of all the soldiers, service and support elements that are part of our force. In his own words, Herb related, that the “Pennsylvania soldiers are excellent”! He is honored to be a part of our team, and he plans to be here protecting the “safety and enjoyment” of the MFO soldiers for as long as he lives. He has seen first-hand that a “soldier’s leadership changes the people that follow them”. Herb is proud to be that leader!!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Saturday, June 28, 2008

South Camp MDF Changes Proposed!

At the NC Dining Hall Meeting, a number of matters were raised and the following information is passed on to you:  Please insure that all staff and soldiers are aware of the upcoming changes:

Due to the high cost of food worldwide, and the weak US Dollar, all MFO members will now be required to eat every other day.  Additional snacks, candy, and ice cream will be available for purchase at the FX.

Because of delays in receiving food from vendors, both camps will be required to keep live cattle on base.  Additional duties for caring for, feeding, cleaning, andall animal husbandry will now be handled by the duty platoon from each line troop.  Animal husbandry will be especially necessary , and special needs soldiers (blue-balls) will be at the head of the line for this duty.  This should also reduce the strain on other HHT personnel who have been actively helping our special needs population to date.

Finally, a program allowing cannibalism will be instituted.  The initial choices for sacrifice will be soldiers on the weight control and remedial PT programs, as they will provide the tastiest limbs and other organs. 

We hope you enjoy these changes!!

  

New SRS System Now In Place

Breaking News:    Dateline: South Camp, MFO  26June2008

Members of the Pentagon Staff, in response to the outrageous (really outrageous) attack on Sergeant Burrows (A Troop) by the now deceased “Petey”, have developed and deployed a new countermeasure in the fight against aquatic threats at Herb’s Beach.  The SRS system now in place will protect our soldiers during all phases of Water Survival Training.  This new, highly sophisticated system will make water sports safer and more enjoyable for all.  Fast, simple deployment of the system pictured to the right will allow our lifeguards to accurately detect any predatory creature well before it attacks.  The lifeguards simply place the bait in the center of the ring and when it goes missing, they sound the alarm to clear the water.

“Many of our soldiers here will benefit from this new advance in technology,” says a high ranking member of the MFO staff.

According to the Lifeguard Staff, “The SRS will remain in place near the 4th bouy, in order to ensure the safety of our soldiers.”  When asked if there was any concrete data that proved the system’s effectiveness, a Cavalry First Sergeant stated, “Who cares? It works, or it doesn’t. Either way, it gets a lot more peaceful around here.”

Further tests will be conducted by activating the system at night and by adding large buckets of chum to the immediate area around the system.

Papal Blessing for Toilet Paper!

In a highly unusual display of cooperation and advocacy, the Pope has read and given his official  blessing too the MFO Toilet Paper.  Under this blessing he stated that “I’ve heard some terrible, vicious rumors lately that the award-winning staff of the Toilet Paper is considering calling it quits.  I hope this isn’t true.  You have been a huge boost to (USBATT) morale since the first issue.”  We here at the TP would like to thank the Pope for his generous support and words of encouragement.  With that in mind, we are pleased to announce that the planning stages of passing this forum on to MFO 52 have already started.  There is also talk of a line of breakfast cereals, over-the-counter nutritional supplements, action-figures, and limited edition belly button lint collectors.  We here at the Toilet Paper hope to also start a line of deodorants and hair care products that are worthy of our good name.  Thank you for all of your support during MFO 51!

  

Friday, June 27, 2008

"Petey" Attacks at Herb's Beach


During water safety training for the month of June, there was a tragic incident.  While trying to “dead-man-float”, Sgt Burrows of Troop A was viciously attacked by “Petey” the Shark.  Petey was able to clamp down on Burrows midsection and wrestle him under the water.  Fighting for his life, while the sting-rays and eels danced around his head, Burrows was able to kick Petey in the pancreas and force his mouth open.  Burrows quickly extricated himself from the massive jaws of the silver-tipped shark and begin to swim away.  Dazed from this mighty blow, but unwilling to allow his lunch to slip away, Petey countered with a massive tail swipe to Burrow’s cranium.  The powerful tail grazed Burrow’s noggin and left the soldier dis-oriented and floundering inthe break at Herb’s Beach.  After gaining his composure, Burrows quickly sprang on top of the water and proceeded to sprint to the beach on top of the water.  Screaming like a little girl, Burrows escaped with only minor injuries.  Petey was not so lucky!!  The shark had sustained massive internal hemorrhaging and quickly succumbed to his lack of blood.  He was dragged to shore by our gallant lifeguard crew, picked up by our MDF staff, and without a second thought, was processed and turned into a main course for our financially strapped Mess Hall.  The real tragedy of the incident was that now Petey’s children are fatherless and will have to let their mother teach them to hunt for food.  Please help them by swimming more at the beach and volunteering for chum duty!!   - Spc Snyder